Chapter 2: Hell's Back Road

[Zhym]

"Oh, my!" says Bubba. "That's...a very unusual-looking horse."

[mjulius]

Wither Whither leans on his staff, watching Gurzabar march to his doom or opportunity.

[Captain Kinkajou]

Anurak

Anurak cautiously advances, not near as far as Gurzabar but far enough that he hopes it is clear he is ready and willing to defend Lady Yoothrandra and her party should the new arrivals prove to be dangerous. He ends up looking more uncertain than he'd aimed for as he tries to gauge whether these newcomers are friend or foe based on the reactions of the Wedding Party.

[Pulpatoon]

The great beast comes to a stop, and the rider pulls off a wicked-looking hood to reveal another Grey Humanoid. She calls down: "Hail traveler! Stow your armaments and approach slowly! I offer the best in hand-crafted artisanal potions of every stripe! Libations fit for a godling! Balms, unguents, ointments, and salves for every external irritation! Purgatives to restore purity and sanity!"

Behind the beast trods another humanoid, this one as thick with muscle as any living thing you have ever seen. He walks up even with the massive beast and stops, standing in the universal pose of a guard who thinks you're up to no good.

The rider-humanoid pulls a control rod on the beast's harness, and a telescoping apparatus of hollow tubes spring out and snaps into shape, supporting an unfurling banner. The rider calls out, "All goods and practices in strict accordance to Merchant Guild strictures. All prices non-negotiable! Quantities are limited, so act now!"

The banner lists a number of goods:
1. POTION OF MINDLESS FRENZY 300 gp
2. FIZZYDRINKOFOCULARAUTONOMY 300 gp
3. NOSTRUM OF SPEEDY RECOVERY 500 gp
4. DRAUGHT OF THE GIRAFFE 250 gp
5. TINCTURE OF UNENDURABLE HIDEOUSNESS 300 gp
6. ELIXIR OF INSTANT ELEGANCE 25 gp
7. BEVERAGE OF THE GODLINGS 500 gp
8. POTION OF THE MIGHTY BLOW 250 gp
9. POTION OF EXTRA LIMBS 200 gp
10. POTION OF SPECTRAL FOETOR 50 gp
11. THE DESPERATE MEASURE: SPECIAL PRICE! 25 gp
12. BORING OLD HEALING POTIONS; 100 gp

ACTIONS? PURCHASES?
Next update: Oh, god. Umm. Saturday? Eveningish? EDT.

[rossik]

Doctor Gori approaches:
"What do they do, good seller?"

[Nate]

9. POTION OF EXTRA LIMBS 200 gp

Gurzubar: "Please kind merchant, I have but 99 gold coins, and am in desperate need of an extra limb...is there anything else you'd accept in trade, or any task I can humbly assist you with, to make up the difference?"
Gurzubar attempts the most pitiful puppy dog eyed look of sorrow he can muster while holding out the stump of his arm.

[GreyWolfVT]

Galot raises an eyebrow "Hmm well it appears this is no attraction but a vendor or merchant of sorts. I do so hope that merchants down here are more honest than some on the surface." he says thinking out loud as he walks over to see what the merchant has to offer. "Hmm yes what do these do? Do you have potion testers that might try these before we purchase and partake of them ourselves?" he asks cautiously.

[Zhym]

"Oh! So that's what gold is good for!" exclaims the mushroom-headed Bubba. "I guess I should collect some, then, shouldn't I?"

[mjulius]

Wither Whither raises what was once an eyebrow, now grey taut skin, and launches enthusiastically from his staff. Patting the pockets of his robe, he recalls that he left his wallet in the overworld. Nevertheless, he eagerly fondles the wares.

[Pulpatoon]

The Grey Humanoid wedding party exchanges some elaborate greetings and well-wishes particular to their people. During this, you gather that the merchant is named Guruki, and that her mount is a glutton-newt.

Doctor Gori approaches:
"What do they do, good seller?"

Guruki scratches her slate cheek. "Ah, there's a bunch of them. You got any specific enquiries?"

Gurzubar: "Please kind merchant, I have but 99 gold coins, and am in desperate need of an extra limb...is there anything else you'd accept in trade, or any task I can humbly assist you with, to make up the difference?"

Guruki: "'The Potion of Many Limbs!' an excellent choice—quality ingredients, expertly brewed. A light light vanilla taste and no unpleasant after-effects. It'll grow you any kind of limb you can imagine—by bettle-guts, it'll grow two! They'll last you a good ten minutes—longer than any other limb-growing potion available! All prices non-negotiable! Perhaps you can beg or steal that extra piece of gold, ai?"

Galot raises an eyebrow "Do you have potion testers that might try these before we purchase and partake of them ourselves?" he asks cautiously.

Guruki: "No need! All potions guaranteed by merchant-guild bond! You could not find better, more reliable potions in Zaracanth's breakfast nook."

The party collectively notes that the quantities of gold being discussed would be mighty treasures in the above-ground world, where copper pennies are the most common currency.

Guruki's glutton-newt begins to shift impatiently. Guruki calls, "C'mon. Buy something or let me pass on! I've got a shipment to pick up from the Science Fungoids."

ACTIONS?
Hey! unexpected early update! Next update is still planned for Saturday.

[Nate]

Gurzubar: "What do these do?
10. POTION OF SPECTRAL FOETOR 50 gp
11. THE DESPERATE MEASURE: SPECIAL PRICE! 25 gp"

[GreyWolfVT]

Galot "I'll buy but what do these potions do? Anything that perhaps makes it so you don't need to eat for a day or something otherwise i might just go for the boring healing potion."

[Pulpatoon]

Gurzubar: "What do these do?
10. POTION OF SPECTRAL FOETOR 50 gp
11. THE DESPERATE MEASURE: SPECIAL PRICE! 25 gp"

Guruki looks eager, now that she has a customer shopping within a stated budget. "Ah! The Potion of Spectral Foetor! It's a specialized potion—hardly the tipple for every occasion, but there's nothing like it when the time comes! Drink this down and you will, to be blunt, stink. An absolutely repulsive stench! In particular, it will repel any flesh-eating creatures in your vicinity. Watch the great slime-tiger that was about to devour you turn tail and flee as fast as its pseudo-paws will take it!

"And the Desperate Measure. Not for everyone, that one. It fires your sinews like greased lightening! For one hour, you'll move like shooting spark! Practically faster than anyone can see! Imagine the feats you could accomplish! What would be beyond your grasp? Nothing! But, there are some side effects, the most severe of which is that when the hour is up, customers tend to drop dead. It wrings every dribble of life right out of you, and doesn't leave you with enough to make a flea's heart patter. So, not a best-seller. But, sometimes needs as must, ai? Desperate measures for desperate times."

Galot "I'll buy but what do these potions do? Anything that perhaps makes it so you don't need to eat for a day or something otherwise i might just go for the boring healing potion."

Guruki: "A potion that negates the need to eat for a day or two? Huhm. I got nothing like that, but I'll make a note of the request, and run it by brewing and marketing. See if they think it's viable. Hell, they could just bottle my granish's foddle fish-loaf! Hah! That'll take away your appetite and stop you up for the better part of a week.

"If you'd like a healing potion, that'll be 100 standard gold. You can pay Shandar." At this the muscled guard walks over to Galot and thrusts out a slab-like hand, grimacing as though coming into contact with the likes of you is the most degrading thing he can imagine. Guruki produces a glass vial filled with a ruby cordial.

[Captain Kinkajou]

Anurak

Anurak is mightily relieved when it becomes apparent that the newcomers are friendly and his mettle will not need to be tested. He has no gold to make any purchases with but watches Guruki peddling her wares to his companions with great interest.

[Captain Kinkajou]

Anurak

After watching Guruki peddling her wares for a time, Anurak suddenly recalls their important mission to find Professor Gormontine and the Null Rod and save the Universe. In the excitement, it had totally slipped his mind.

"Excuse me," he says, politely bowing and addressing Guruki. "I was just wondering... We're looking for a bald, Human, male academic, wearing little goggles." He makes circles with the thumb and first finger on each hand and holds them up to his eyes to illustrate. "You don't happen to have seen anyone fitting that description on your travels do you?"

"And it's also rather crucial we find this... well... rod thingy... about..." he struggles for a few seconds. "About yay... no... perhaps ... yay.... So, about how long would you say this Nul Rod is exactly?" he asks the others, having no idea himself. "And I guess it's... what? metallic... or maybe made from... well... I'm not sure really... glowing energy... perhaps..." He trails off. "Hmmmmm... So, I don't suppose you've seen anything like that at all have you?" he adds hopefully but a little weakly, as he realises he has no idea what the Nul Rod looks like.

[GreyWolfVT]

Galot reaches into his pockets then his face goes a bit rosy colored and he steps away shaking his head a bit embarrassed "never mind appears I'm broke."

[rossik]

the doctor just nod, and walk away. he have no money at all

[Nate]

Gurzubar:I'll take one stink potion please!

[Pulpatoon]

Gurzubar:I'll take one stink potion please!

The merchant quickly produces a small, stoppered bottle, and puts on the end of a hooked pole. She uses this pole to pass it down to her guard. "One Elixir of Spectral Foetor. Use it in good health! Fifty coins of gold." The guard holds the bottle, and glares at Gurzubar, clearly offended by the idea of passing on something so fine to so low a customer.

"Excuse me," Anurak says, politely bowing and addressing Guruki. "I was just wondering... We're looking for a bald, Human, male academic, wearing little goggles." He makes circles with the thumb and first finger on each hand and holds them up to his eyes to illustrate. "You don't happen to have seen anyone fitting that description on your travels do you?"

Guruki: "Goggles? You mean, like a ranger?" She shrugs. "There's some Underworld Ranger activity in the area, but, honestly, not enough. You should see the ripe Tyrannoclops corpse I just passed. Exceedingly ripe."

"And it's also rather crucial we find this... well... rod thingy... about..." he struggles for a few seconds. "About yay... no... perhaps ... yay.... So, about how long would you say this Nul Rod is exactly?" he asks the others, having no idea himself. "And I guess it's... what? metallic... or maybe made from... well... I'm not sure really... glowing energy... perhaps..." He trails off. "Hmmmmm... So, I don't suppose you've seen anything like that at all have you?"

At this question, Guruki blanches. "This place is bursting with Hu-mahns from the Exposed Aboveground all of a sudden, and they're all asking about rods. I'll tell you what I told them: The Mercantile Guild is happy to treat with all potential customer bases without bias. We do not discriminate based on species, fitness to exist, or geographic oddity. We ask you to respect the cultures and ecologies you encounter while guests in our world. Foremost, respect the Mercantile Guild, and do not interfere with Merchant business.

"Now, while I do not have information on any particular artifacts, I would be happy to put in a request for a representative of our Wands, Staves, Scepters, and Rods Division. They can provide you with a catalog that is sure to address your needs. And on the unlikely occasion that you are looking for something we do have on hand, custom orders are accepted."

The guard has, with grudging relcutance, walked over to Gurzubar. Holding the bottle just out of reach, he flattens a hand and holds it out, palm up, in front of him in the universal sign of "pay up."

Once the exchange is over, Guruki works another lever and her banner automatically rolls up and stashes itself away. She makes a few parting remarks to the Grey Humanoid Wedding Party, and prods her massive Glutton-Newt into movement. As it plods South along Hell's Backroad, she calls back, "I'll message the Guild about sending a rod peddler! Oh, and there was a big group of hu-mahns asking about it on the Devil's Highway, west of here. That was awhile ago."

The thudding steps of the Glutton-Newt recede, and the combined parties continue North, coming to a T-intersection. To the West, you see slumped monster corpse in a fairly advanced state of decay.

Screen Shot 2019-04-07 at 3.26.32 PM.png (279.38 KiB) Viewed 796 times

"The Deh-vihls Highwhay," states a Grey Humanoid. "Whe must go Heast. Hwould hyew join hus, hor hwill hyew trah-vehl Hwest?"

Dice:

Encounter: [1d6] = 6

Actions!
Next update: within the next week.

[Zhym]

"Oh, wow, nother big group of humans?" says Bubba. "Gosh, we should go find them, right? If they're, like, friendly, we can team up! And if, like, they aren't, we should like totally stop them!"