Chapter 1: To seek a Great Perhaps

[Urson]

Dammit! Jake swears as he brings his maul around to clobber one of these little bastards.

[mb.]

Deet and Odric both start, scream "RODENT!" and turn their weapons on the first rat that attacked Butchness!

Deet stabs with his bayonet! [1d6] = 5
Odric slashes with his sword! [1d6] = 1

Schroff, with only 1 HP, rolls to save against his STR 8 (9-1)[1d20] = 14 Um, Schroff expires?

[Pulpatoon]

Schroff is unconscious and bleeding, but can be revived and healed... if the giant rat doesn't decide to keep at him.

I'll move the action forward as soon as I've heard from everyone, or Tuesday evening, whichever comes first. I'll NPC the actions of anyone I haven't heard from.

If, as a general rule, you don't want me NPC'ing your characters when you can't update, please let me know.

[mjulius]

Brick pauses before resuming his way to the door, "Betsy?"

Langston decides it's about time to make a literal dent in the third rodent [attacking Butchness]..
He heaves himself forward and buries his ax into the rat, certain in his rage that it will be a killing blow:

Axe [1d8] = 1

[Stirling]

'Shaggy' Beaker, sees the babies feasting on his party, he wants to help but how, shoot a bay with his pistol? Perhaps the smoke bomb will be better, cover for everyone.

Beaker readies his smoke bomb, what effect does or will it have if he throws it?

[Pulpatoon]

Smoke-bomb (10s): Fills a room with smoke when lit. Attacks through the smoke are Impaired.

Impaired attacks only do 1d4 damage. I would imagine that the smoke is probably grating on the tender nasal tissues of an infant. This might prove a distraction. Bu its hard to tell what the tolerance levels of such truly horrible babies might be.

[Pulpatoon]

The Nutcracker Suite
As the one rat positions itself over the Butchness of Wrath, ready to snap her neck with its teeth, it is attacked by Kurt, Hans, and William. GWAR!, growling in a mix of grief and anger, shoulders past them to apply his avenging sword to the beast. Deet and Odric pile on. Swords, axes, and bayonets rise and fall.

Crit damage vs. STR 2: [1d20] = 5

The rat, hacked, hewn, and shot, crumples. Even after it falls and lies motionless, however, it never actually bleeds.

Rat 2, seeing one of its number fall, drops the body of Schroff the dog.

The two remaining rats leap at the party!
1. Hans, 2. Kurt, 3. William, 4. Deet, 5. Odric, 6. GWAR!, 7. Langston
Rat Target [1d7] = 7
Rat Target [1d7] = 7
Hmm. This macro has only ever produced a result of 7. Assuming the roller is having problems, I'm going to try a d8 and ignore any results of 8.
[1d8] = 4
[1d8] = 6
Alright, that spreads the love around.
Rat attack on Deet: Rat Bite [1d6] = 6
Rat attack on GWAR!: Rat Bite [1d6] = 5
I believe that will call for both of you to test for Critical Damage.

Butchness and Schroff are both in Critical condition, unconscious, bleeding, and in danger of dying, but still alive.

[Pulpatoon]

An Audience with Horrible Babies
Stirling, does Shaggy throw his bomb?
Urson, please roll damage for Jake's weapon. Also, please report the results of Jake's Scar. That is, roll and additional 1d6 maximum hit points (these hit points will kick in when you take a Short Rest), and then roll 1d6+6 to see what your scar is.

[mb.]

Deet's STR is down to 6 and [1d20] = 11

Deet moans "diseeease..." and collapses unconscious onto a chaise lounge.

Odric yells "Diethardt!" and hacks at the foul rodent that dropped his brother!
Odric slashes with his sword! [1d6] = 5

[Wizard Lizard]

Not sure if it's been taken into account.

Next action will be whacking the babies trying to eat poor Horton : [1d6] = 4

Vanis takes a few glances at Shaggy while fighting off his baby. "Do it! Quick, please!" He's prepared to run back to the rotunda place when they're distracted.

[Stirling]

'Shaggy' Beaker

"Quick Mouse, we must be about business." Beaker pulls the pin on his smoke bomb and throws it back down into the hallway. Mouse rings the town crier bell, "Over here, over here!", he calls in high pitched shrill hoping the part not the babes follow the call through the thick smog.

[GreyWolfVT]

Kurt strikes at the rat that is attacking GWAR Bayonet [1d6] = 1

Will attacks the rat attacking Deet Will Sword [1d6] = 2

Hans attacks the rat attacking Deet Hans Sword [1d6] = 1

[coil23]

Horton continues to exhibit a profound stillness as he lies crumpled on the floor, suggestive of timeless wisdom.

[Pulpatoon]

Not sure if it's been taken into account.

Next action will be whacking the babies trying to eat poor Horton : [1d6] = 4

It has (thanks for checking!), I'm just waiting on all the actions before I resolve the round.

[mjulius]

After such a poor initial hit, Langston tests the sharpness of the blade with his thumb, What the...
Satisfied that his ax is in order, he strikes again:

Axe [1d8] = 5

Brick makes his way to the door. A little guilty that he is so far from the action, he raises his sword in solidarity.
He peers into it's interior, seeing what he can of the way forward/out.

[Urson]

maul[1d8] = 2

Scar stuff:
[1d6] = 3
[1d6+6] = 6+6 = 12
12: Hewn Limb - One of your limbs (1: right arm, 2: left arm, 3: right leg, 4: left leg) is torn off or in need of amputation.

I assume that he was bitten on the leg- so, which leg?

[Pulpatoon]

Pick a Leg (1-2, Left; 3-4, Right): [1d4] = 3
Right leg! Ouch! Sorry!

[Pulpatoon]

Brick
The room is so large that there is still a considerable amount of distance to cross until you reach the door, moving across a great plain of marble floor in the company of the retreating toy soldier.

You can hear the soldiers speaking to one another in curiously muffled voices. Their great wooden jaws hinge open and clank shut percussively, all but drowning out their actual voices which seem to emanate from deep down their wooden throats. The pass a few orders back and forth and brief messages about maintaining proper formation, before settling into a marching cadence:

Oh the coffee that he gives us
He says it's mighty fine
He makes it out of acorns
It tastes like turpentine
Oh I don't want no more of this soldierin' life
Oh Princess, I wanna go home.

Oh the biscuits that he give us
Are the best ones in the land
We shoulda had them handy
When we built the battering ram.
Oh I don't want no more of wooden life
King and Princess I wanna go—
But he won't let me go—
Tell the Wizard I wanna go home!

[Pulpatoon]

An Audience with Horrible Babies

With a sickening POP, a horrible baby wrenches Jake's leg off, right at the knee. The baby gurgles with joy, waving the shod-and-stockinged drumstick around as a delightful prize.

Jake, not one to be deterred, hops on his left leg and brings his maul down on the skull of his tormentor, who begins screaming.

Vanis easily dispatches another baby.

Shaggy Beaker emerges from the shadows to toss a smoke grenade into the proceedings. Thick black smoke roils out, dimming what little light the lanterns cast in this dark space. Mouse rings Beaker's bell to guide the party towards the exit.

The babies begin to sneeze and cough and cry at the irritating smoke, distracted from their attempts to gum the party to death.

Any further attacks while in the cloud of smoke are Impaired, doing only 1d4 damage.
Jake and Horton are bleeding unchecked and will need medical attention.

[Wizard Lizard]

An Audience with Horrible Babies
Jake and Horton are bleeding unchecked and will need medical attention.

Vanis: Quick boy, let us get you out of here! He says, trying to drag Jake away, believing the older Horton to be dead already if not dying. If at all possible, he wishes to put himself then Jake out of harm's way, in the most distant corner.