Chp. 4: Wagons, Women and Wizards

[Grognardsw]

The adventurers set out for the Keep. The majority opinion is to turn in the prisoners for Keep justice. It is two days away. The bound prisoners are roped in line to a horse. Albertus the cleric corpse is tied to a horse. The next day Brother Bayard casts a dweomer to detect the moral turpitude of the prisoners. Clement the cleric, Florence the Fancy Mage and Idonea the fighter are not evil; Gus the thief is mildly so.

The villainous adventurers' treasure is logged:

Bastard sword, magical* (+2)
Basterd sword
Longsword
Longsword, magical* (+2)
Shortsword
Mace
Staff, 2
Sling
Darts, 10
Daggers, 3
Dagger, magical, talks*
Short bows, 2
Arrows, 48
Rope, 2
Oil, 3
Backpacks, 3
Rations, 18
Waterskins, 6
Wineskins, 2
Iron Spikes, 12
Flint/steel, 5
Torches, 12
Bedrolls, 6
Mirror, 3
Macabre items in belt pouches:
(pouch of dessicated testicles;
human tongues, hair samples,
bone dice and knuckles)
Fancy headdress of horns (Florence's)
Extra pairs of XL womens girdles
Scroll of manly love poetry
Cock ring, magical* (untested)
Smoking Pipe
Pipe-weed, magical* (unknown effects, has not been smoked yet)
Robe of Many Pockets, magical*
Bracers of Defense, AC 6*
Ring, magic* (unknown from testing)
400 gp total

Notably there is a lack of gold pieces and spell books. The prisoners tell you that certain valuables were left hidden or buried in the woods to prevent theft in case of defeat. Unfortunately they do not know where Razmus and Luna Cee's spell books are, since the two wizards made of point of hiding them alone. They are out there, somewhere. The gold and other valuables of the others were found. Along the way back to the Keep the spellcasters detect magic and test out items (* the indicated magic items.)

Between the two clerics the party is healed of their wounds by the time they reach the Keep. Thankfully the trip back is as absent encounters as it was full of them on the way out of the Borderlands with the Princess.

The Keep looms.


As the party enters through the portcullis,

with the roped prisoners, they receive many looks of curiosity.

"What have we here?"

asks a Keep guard.

If you want to do anything prior to entering the Keep let me know.

[Dizlexus]

Foracor at the gate

We bring highway bandits to be subject to the keep's system of justice.

Foracor wants the +2 Bsword like a moe foe -- also the pipe weed -- Wilfie should get the cock ring

[Zhym]

Boddin shows a particular interest in the pipe weed. "Nothing quite like a smoke to go with a good brew!"

"I wonder if that talking dagger could tell us more about how these people fell in with Luna and Razmus," he adds.

[AleBelly]

On the way back to the keep, Wulfhart sidles up to Brother Bayard. "I won't forget how you healed me during the ambush, friend. Consider me an ally for life."

Wulfhart has no particular interest in any of the items. He's had enough strange items and creatures near his nether regions that he's happy to leave the cockring to someone else.

[OGRE MAGE]

Boddin shows a particular interest in the pipe weed. "Nothing quite like a smoke to go with a good brew!"

"I wonder if that talking dagger could tell us more about how these people fell in with Luna and Razmus," he adds.

Fingal adds Yes, it might! Good thinking Boddin! And better yet......maybe it knows where the spell books are buried? looking through the pile Fingal sees nothing that jumps out at him. I made out like a......well.....I did OK in the last treasure haul so I will choose last this time, if there is anything left. Fingal also eyes the magic herbs and the sweet pipe, remembering back to when he used to sneak out behind the barn when he still lived back on the farm. Could we not simply ask our captives what this stuff is?

[Grognardsw]

Boddin shows a particular interest in the pipe weed. "Nothing quite like a smoke to go with a good brew!"

"I wonder if that talking dagger could tell us more about how these people fell in with Luna and Razmus," he adds.

The pipe weed is pleasantly aromatic, though the smell doesn't give hint to what types of magical properties it may have.

"Hey bud, I'm a short sword when it comes to hobbits," barks the dagger when Boddin mentions it. "The name is Dick the dagger. Wrap your little hand around me bud."

[Zhym]

Boddin looks askance at the dagger, not touching it. The hilt looks disturbingly salacious, and he's not sure how well he'd get along with any weapon that greets strangers by barking, "Hey bud."

[doughx99]

Niles eyeing the magic ring...I could always use a back up magical longsword considering I will give back Burt's axe when we bring him back. I also am interested in the ring as well.

I am fine with grog dividing it up,if he doesn't mind

[AleBelly]

Boddin shows a particular interest in the pipe weed. "Nothing quite like a smoke to go with a good brew!"

"I wonder if that talking dagger could tell us more about how these people fell in with Luna and Razmus," he adds.

The pipe weed is pleasantly aromatic, though the smell doesn't give hint to what types of magical properties it may have.

"Hey bud, I'm a short sword when it comes to hobbits," barks the dagger when Boddin mentions it. "The name is Dick the dagger. Wrap your little hand around me bud."

Ha ha ha. Dick the dagger. Didn't get it until I took a close look at the handle. Well played, Grog.

[AleBelly]

At the gate of the keep, Wulfhart looks at the eloquent hobbit, waiting for him to explain the situation.

[Hotgoblin]

Groyn Shortbeard

He keeps eyeing up the "robe", but is too embarrassed to try it on. Looks like it's made for a taller being!!

[Zhym]

Boddin, who would be flattered to be called "eloquent"—most people would use the word "loquacious," if they knew it—steps forward and clears his throat, ready to declaim.

"Ahem. Sirs. My compatriots and I were returning from a mission on behalf of Castellan, escorting the courteous and regal—and quite lovely for a 'big girl' I might add—Princess Daenerys Targaryen on her trip through the Borderlands to the pass at Grimtooth Gully, when we were brutally attacked by ruffians. We defended ourselves, not without loss to our own numbers. I regret to say that it was necessary to kill many of the brigands to protect ourselves. These chaps who are tied up are the survivors of their band. We have brought them here to face justice under due process of the law as administered by the good and noble Castellan."

[Grognardsw]

"I see, well that sounds like you should go right to Castellan then," responds the guard, pointing toward the now-familiar tower deeper in the Keep.

[jakegreenxxxx44]

Curious about some of the items she looks them over and if no one else is interested she'll take a gander at the Macabre items in belt pouches:
(pouch of dessicated testicles;
human tongues, hair samples,
bone dice and knuckles)
along with the Fancy headdress of horns (Florence's)
Extra pairs of XL womens girdles
along with the Scroll of manly love poetry
and the ring of unknown properties
this is only if no one wants any of these items, she finds the curious and wants to study them more. let me know she asks the group as she giggles at the dick dagger haha

[Grognardsw]

The warrior-priestess examines certain loot. Most of it was Luna Cee's, who was a sick and perverted man. The stuff in the pouches was probably spell components, or fetish items. They feel dirty. The XL women's girdles seem very big; perhaps Ramrod Queerstaff wore them. The manly love poetry is quite profane.

Easia tries on the horned headdress, which belonged to Florence, mage with flair...

It looks better on Easia.

It complements her twin hammers.

Easia ponders putting the ring on, the one that goes on a finger.

Others admire but avoid touching Dick. The dagger takes offense: "Do you realize who made me?!" it says. "I'm a powerful weapon! You - the big lug! Or the elf - I'm magic, you guys like that stuff. C'mon, someone grow a pair and take hold of good 'ole Dick."

[AleBelly]

Wulfhart is intrigued by the talking stabber. He whispers to the clerics out of earshot of the phallic dagger. "Did anyone cast detect evil on these items? I've heard some of these are cursed".

He'll then address the talking dagger, feeling a bit silly. "What powers do you possess, Dick?"

[Dizlexus]

Foracor Quips

Oh, Dick, if only you were bigger, then I would have a use for you, he says while examining the enchanted bastard sword.

Perhaps we should place that ring on Dick's hilt, Foracor opines.

[Zhym]

Boddin marches on towards Castellan's tower, trying his hardest to ignore all this ribaldry.

[jakegreenxxxx44]

I look amazing she says aloud as she admires herself and twin hammers as she passes by a hallway mirror. she says to everyone if I start acting odd or weird or evil in anyway be sure to yank his head-dress off my head please.

[OGRE MAGE]

Fingal

Laughing loudly at all the discussion about Dick, the thief turns to the marching captives and says Ok here folks, this is the deal......If yews see fit to tell us what these magic items are, we could maybe ask for a little leniency in yer sentencing. What say you? Who here was Dicks Master?